Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Flow...

So when you've had a really, REALLY bad day, you just want to curl up in a corner and cry. Woe is me though, I'm not even allowed THAT luxury. Because I CAN'T cry anymore. I'm like those people who forget to do things because they haven't practised in the longest time. Welcome to my life Ladies and Gentlemen. I've been so busy, that I've forgotten how to do one of the basic emotions we learn the minute we're born.

And sometimes, just sometimes I miss crying.

I've been thinking over the past few days. About a lot of things. About how we as humans are such foolish creatures. We're such boggle-headed idiots. We hope. We expect. We dream. And more than half of the time, it never really works.
So then we're let down. and we walk around trying to pick up the pieces of what happened amd move on.

But you know what, we never really do. And we never really will. Stupid humans that we are.

Take for example my bother. LOve him as much as I do. I think he's an imbecile. He sits down ad talks of marrying EVERY SINGLE girl he dates. And that just goes to show how immature he is. And that girlfriend of his wants a 'mature' boyfriend. I feel like shaking them both by the shoulders and screaming 'YOU'RE SEVENTEEN GODDAMIT! HAVE FUN!'. Really whats happening to today's generation.

Then there is the issue of my ex-best friend and her attempts to send me on a guilt trip. Not happening. I tried for the longest time. I hate friendships. Especially fucked up ones. I'm not much of a relationship person very obviously. I SUCK B.A.L.L.S at managing them. I think it has something to do with the things I went through as a child.
*Sigh*, I really am a very messed up individual, now amn't I.

Then there's this history project. Really. I come for a consult so you can HELP me, not scare the living fucking daylights out of me. And I KNOW its my fault. So I KNOW my anger is misplaced. And I hate myself for being so incompetent. And what I should be doing is really studying and working on the project. See, Law School doesn't even give you time to mope.

Crap.
I hate my life right now.

Until next time.