Sunday, March 4, 2012

Silence

It's been ages since I wrote.
Here or anywhere else.

I kept thinking I'd lost my mojo. But that's not the true reason. I've either been too happy, or too busy, or at times too sad.
But things have changed since the beginning of this year. Over the past two months, I've realized, its not a case of 'too much's.
I'm being hollowed out. Slowly, but surely. With every failure, every lie told, ever time I've had to fight for something I want, every time I've had to hide the things that I want, I've lost a piece of me in the process.
It's like a bad case of termites, eating the wood from the inside, till there's nothing left but outside appearances.

That's what's happening, the wooden box in my chest is being eroded from the inside.
I've lost friends, damaged relationships irreparably with the people that matter the most, let go of passions that I've clung to for so long.
IT's not just about bad judgment, or bad decisions.
I'm tired of trying.

When I used to sit in a quiet room, I could swear I could hear the thoughts in my head, there were so many of them.
Now, all I hear is silence.
The sound of the hollow, termite-ridden wooden box in my chest.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Six places

After a particularly long break, I'm back. With Six places this time.
I must keep it brief but, predictably, I have projects due soonly :P

Soo.

SIX PLACES

1. The beach/seaside. Anywhere really, no specific place. Just close to the sea. Whattey calming place. I could sit there foreverrrrr!

2. My hostel terrace. Very unlikely place, I admit. But its just, its the terrace. Everything happens there. So many stories, so many hours of agonizing thought and drunken conversations and general happiness. It'll always be a favourite.

3. Turkey. As typical as it may sound, I can't help it, IT'S TURKEY. I've heard so much that I must must must go now! And so many pretty things to see/do/buy there :P Must go alone or with a friend but, NEVER with family. Never.

4. Welham. Its home. Its who I am. It doesn't matter that its not top of the list, it'll always be No. 1 for me :)

5. Ireland. Its so pretty. And so understated, under-hyped. Perfect.
P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

6. I should have something like home here, but it doesn't make sense. I don't have any permanent homes anyway :P So No.6 would be pondicherry. I want to settle down there. Open a bakery or something. Pretend to be all French.

Of course this list is compiled from my very limited exposure of the world, so yeah, it might change. But for now, this'll do :)

Next time, Five Foods.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Seven Wants.

Seven Wants.



1. I want CAKE. I'm sorry, leetaal obsessed. But I want really good cake, the kind that makes you close your eyes and wonder why everyone makes such a big deal about chocolate.

2. I also want a blackberry. Yes I'm a materialist. But I just want the BBM really. And the internet. Otherwise my lava is good enough (even though it has a keypad which is slowly peeling itself away from the phone)!

3. I want happiness. Everywhere. No seriously. I want everyone to be happy (this is to counter the previous two materialist wants :P)

4. I want to be a boy for a day. I want the world as my urinal. Just ONE day.

5. I want a superpower. Really. I want to be a superhero, its so cool! And everything always turns out okay.

6. I want willpower. I have ZERO willpower. If I get willpower, I'll lose weight, and I'll work a little harder on my grades and do something useful with my life.

7. I want a genie. Not the three wishes kind. The unlimited wishes kind. Then I can have all of the above and MOOOOREEEE. Muahahahahaha :D

Tomorrow, Six Places :D

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Birthdayss :D

It's the Best Friend's birthday today!
I lowe her to bits and pieces.

Its amazing how you always find that one person who just fits.
She's like my soulmate,
and she's the only person who'll ever know EXACTLY how to handle me.

Best Friends over anything else. Anyday :)

So Happy 21st Baaasst Fraaand.
You're only as old as you feel
[Which in my case is 4,
and in your case is 40]


"If you should die before me,
Ask if you could bring a friend"
-Stone Temple Pilots

Much Pyaar :)

Eight Fears.

Ahhhhhh.
I don't know how many fears I'll actually list down here, but I'll try to be as honest as I can :P

1. Claustrophobia. I kid you not, I'm mildly claustrophobic. I don't like enclosed spaces, they make me nauseous little bit. I get nightmares of being buried alive in a coffin sometimes .
DON'T. LIKE. CLOSED. SPACES.

2. Its not so much a fear, as much as it is something I dislike. I don't like 'closed' modes of transport, (yes this should probably be included in the earlier point, but I think its important enough to merit a separate one). I get this really weird feeling whenever I'm in a plane, or a car with windows rolled up. Hence, Auto>Car, Train/Bus>Plane. Simple. I like feeling the wind on my face.

3. I'm scared of being left alone. Damn, it sounds pathetic. But its true. Not for long but, mus work on this.

4. Scary movies/stories. They give you this rush, but when its all said and done, and you go back to your bed, and everything's eerily quiet, I can swear I see something outside my window. Curse my over-active imagination, but I don't like the idea of ghosts/supernatural beings watching me sleep.

5. Nightmares. I'm not really scared of them per se, but I hate having them. They leave me too scared to go back to sleep.

6. I'm scared of dying. Any normal person would be, if you say you're not, you're faking it I tell you. I'm scared to death of death, of any kind.

7. I get scared while crossing the road. I'm one of those kinds. Scared shitless, will only cross when there's no traffic as far as the eye can see.

8. I'm scared of a lot of things, but the biggest thing I'm scared of is being scared. It kinda sucks when you feel helpless and scared, if you know what I mean.

Thats it then, Eight Fears. Tomorrow (or sometime soon), Seven Wants. Whee :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Nine Loves.

Sorry Sorry.
I know its supposed to be this daily update thing, got caught with the daily vagrancies of life :P

So here goes, Nine Loves :)

1. Old Hindi Movies. There's nothing like them. I know I've heard my parents harp on about this for the longest time, but I agree with them now. Nothing like Old Hindi Movies. They don't make movies like 'em anymore.

2. Books. Always been my love. Ever since I could waddle around in diapers.

3. Angry Birds. I call it a jihad against piggies. :D (Latest obsession)

4. Food. I sat down to think about what kind of food I love most, and realized I love food. Full stop. Of every category, of every kind.

5. Coldplay + Snow Patrol. They should probably be two separate headings. But I love both =)

6. Train journeys. Its a pity I don't get as much of them as I would want.

7. Disney Movies. Loved them. Love them. Will keep loving them. There's nothing like an animation to keep you company. NOTHING.

8. The Rain. I LOVE the rain.

9.Sleep. This should be my first one actually. I LOVE my sleep. A little too much for my own good, but I love it.

So yes.
Nine loves.
Tomorrow, Eight fears.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Ten Secrets

The ten-day challenge.
Sorry, I know I promised I'd start this a long time back.
But life's a bitch. Because you sit down, and plan something.
And fate doesn't like that one bit (sucha bitch she is), so she screws you over.

Therefore I start today =)

Ten Secrets (I'm not sure how many would qualify, but here goes).

1. I'm a hopeless Snow Patrol/Coldplay lover. HOPE.LESS. Trust me on that one.
2. Some disney movies (i.e. Beauty and the Beast, Lion King) still make me cry, and I don't cry very often.
3. I can be a little emo. A leeetaal bit.
4. I bite my nails. I grow them, then get nervous and bite them.
5. I don't like people shaking their legs. Very disturbing.
6. I don't spend more than 15 minutes getting ready. I think it shows too.
7. I sometimes buy clothes that I think are pretty, but not really my size and plan on using them as inspiration (never happens but!)
8. I am L.A.Z.Y. Like you wouldn't believe.
9. I'm also messy. Pretttty messy. But then I have these insane fits of cleaning my room. And then it gets messy all over again.
10. I'm a little obsessive compulsive about things, like washing my hair everyday. I kid you not. Every single day. Maybe that's why I'm balding.

There. Ten secrets.
Till tomorrow then :D
Love.