Flow...

So when you've had a really, REALLY bad day, you just want to curl up in a corner and cry. Woe is me though, I'm not even allowed THAT luxury. Because I CAN'T cry anymore. I'm like those people who forget to do things because they haven't practised in the longest time. Welcome to my life Ladies and Gentlemen. I've been so busy, that I've forgotten how to do one of the basic emotions we learn the minute we're born.

And sometimes, just sometimes I miss crying.

I've been thinking over the past few days. About a lot of things. About how we as humans are such foolish creatures. We're such boggle-headed idiots. We hope. We expect. We dream. And more than half of the time, it never really works.

So then we're let down. and we walk around trying to pick up the pieces of what happened amd move on.

But you know what, we never really do. And we never really will. Stupid humans that we are.

Take for example my bother. LOve him as much as I do. I think he's an imbecile. He sits down ad talks of marrying EVERY SINGLE girl he dates. And that just goes to show how immature he is. And that girlfriend of his wants a 'mature' boyfriend. I feel like shaking them both by the shoulders and screaming 'YOU'RE SEVENTEEN GODDAMIT! HAVE FUN!'. Really whats happening to today's generation.

Then there is the issue of my ex-best friend and her attempts to send me on a guilt trip. Not happening. I tried for the longest time. I hate friendships. Especially fucked up ones. I'm not much of a relationship person very obviously. I SUCK B.A.L.L.S at managing them. I think it has something to do with the things I went through as a child.

*Sigh*, I really am a very messed up individual, now amn't I.

Then there's this history project. Really. I come for a consult so you can HELP me, not scare the living fucking daylights out of me. And I KNOW its my fault. So I KNOW my anger is misplaced. And I hate myself for being so incompetent. And what I should be doing is really studying and working on the project. See, Law School doesn't even give you time to mope.

Crap.

I hate my life right now.

Until next time.

Mumma and Pa's song.

This was my parent's wedding song. It played at their wedding. And strangely enough, it sums up everything about them. It's so perfect for them, it's scary. And every time I listen to it, I can see scenes from their wedding video flashing in front of my eyes.

Aside from that, the song is BEAUTIFUL. It's the kind of song, you'd want someone to sing for you. In a verrry pansy, slightly gay-ly cute way.

Aye Mere Humsafar- Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak

Aye mere humsafar,

ek zara intezaar.

Sun sadaayein,

de rahi hain,

manzil pyaar ki.

(X2)

Ab hai judaai ka mausam,

do pal ka mehmaan,

kaise na jaayega andhera,

kyun na thamega tufaan.

Ab hai judaai ka mausam,

do pal ka mehmaan,

kaise na jaayega andhera,

kyun na thamega tufaan.

Kaise na milegi manzil pyaar ki.

Aye mere humsafar,

ek zara intezaar.

Sun sadaayein,

de rahi hain,

manzil pyaar ki.

Pyaar ne jahaan pe rakha hai,

jhoom ke kadam ek baar.

Wahin se khula hai koi rasta,

wahin se giri hai deewar.

Pyaar ne jahaan pe rakha hai,

jhoom ke kadam ek baar.

Wahin se khula hai koi rasta,

wahin se giri hai deewar.

Roke kab ruki hai,

manzil pyaar ki.

Aye mere humsafar,

ek zara intezaar.

Sun sadayein,

de rahi hain,

manzil pyaar ki.

*DILLI*

The word rolls of your tongue. 'Dilli', the place where the 'dil-wallahs' live. I've never really lived in the city, so I'm not much of an authority on it. But it's influenced me in so many ways. It's the feeling of Delhi that I like. The whole idea of a city, where you have the best of both worlds. Where your nation is literally RUN. Where people are hurried an rushed and rude and yet, everything about them still seems warm . A city that's alive,

It's old Delhi that intrigues me the most. The seat of the Mughals. The Jama Masjid, standing splendidly tall, in the middle of a vibrant market. The smell of food wafting over passer-bys, delciously enticing, making your mouth water. The crowded 'gullis', the shouted instructions. I'd love to go early in the morning, before all the shops open up and sit on the steps of the Jama Masjid, in complete silence.

Then there's Nizamuddin, so blatantly MUSLIM. There is just SOMETHING about that place that is plain beautiful. Never mind the beggars and the pesky children who won't stop pestering you until you threaten to beat them up, walk through the rows of food being prepared, through winding gallis into a canopied alleyway, where you have hawkers trying to sell you and and what not. The smell of rose water and agarbatti assaults your nostrils the minute you enter, but you eventually acclimatise. After a point you can't wear your shoes anymore, so you remove them. And step gingerly across the stone pathway. There's a very small entrance to the main dargah. And you pass a mini-dargah before you come to the main one. And the minute you set eyes on it, you stop for a moment. It's beautiful. And Awe-inspiring.

And outside the Dargah, the food. THE FOOD! It's heavenly. Possibly the best Non-vegetarian I've ever had. It's brilliant. Succulent, tender chicken, mutton cooked to perfection. Kababs, korma, biryanis, And all other types of non-vegetarian dishes you can imagine. I don't think I've pitied vegetarians more than when I've walked the lanes of Nizamuddin and been able to taste the smell of mutton or chicken being cooked. Food heaven, my dears, is HERE. (For me at least :P).

Then there's the Dilli of today. Where most of my friends belong. And that delhi is of two types too. The 'Delhi', Select, Gurgaon etc. The one where people wear their Guess and Gucci and Abercrombie and Fitch, and walk into the shops wearing 6 inch stilettoes, and talk in clipped accents. Like this old joke we used to have, the chicks in this category, 'all they want to do is go to LSR (pronounced like ell ess aaaa) and do history honours (pronounced as 'onnos'). South Delhi Butterflies, and don't get me wrong, they're not bad people, heck some of my friends are SDBs, but really, you're Indian. Please, don't try and act American.

And then there are the one who know the back lanes of Sarojini and Lajpat like the back of their hand. Who grew up in CP. Who know DELHI and what the REAL delhi is. And some of the friends in this category are new ones, and some are old ones. They're the ones that'll take a rickshaw, or an auto or use the metro to get where they have to. They'll not wear Gucci and Armani, but they'll wear their Rs. 100 Lajpat or Sarojini or (as of late) Knags steals. They're the ones who'll have chuski by the roadside, eat the chaat and pass comments on passers by. I'd hang out with these people any day.

And then there's the idea of being able to roam the city late at night. Go for late night drives on the highway, sit outside the place where most of the country's decisions are made. Eat nice, desi khana. And generally have fun with generally awesome people.

Maybe what enhances Dilli's appeal for me, is the fact that almost ALL my friends are there. DU. *sigh* sometimes I wish, just WISH I'd gone there. The whole living in a PG with people you've known practically your ENTIRE conscious life.

I want to go there. NOW.

I. WANT.

But then we don't always get what we want, is it?

For now, I shall be content with thinking about the city, and missing those inhabitants of its which are oh so dear to me. :)

'Yeh Dilli hai meri jaan,

Bas Ishq, mohabbat pyaar'.

Complete, unadulterated, desi Dilli. So much better than those cosmopolitan cities like Bombay or Bangalore. :P

JACK JOHNSON is god.. almost,

I love this song. Absolutely love it!

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

[MmmMmmmmMmm, Mmm MMmmM]

I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together

Waiting for my eco consult...

I'm sitting outside the fifth year classroom. And I remembered what Asma had told me about one of her blogs being a private blog. And it struck me, that so many times, when I've wanted to write something, but haven't been able to pen it down/type it down because I was scared of who would read it. A private blog struck me as the perfect thing. SO, I've made this my PRIVATE blog. My journal- type- thing. And theank god for that. It gives me some privacy, somethign that is very hard to come by these days.

Must work right now. I effectively have only ONE day to finish my pol sci project. Must give in a good one. Will blog later.

Socks with sheep on them...

Yes, this post is called 'socks with sheep on them', orecisely because at this very moment I'm lying in bed, all wrapped and warm and wearing my lovely blue socks with sheep on them (they really are very cute).

Firstly, apologies. I should've written more often. But I think I was waiting for something worth talking about to happen. My life is sad. It consists of projects, classes, lunch and the library. That's IT! But tonight changed all that.

I went for a walk with a really good friend. ANd suddenly, while outside Gate 2, she suddenly pulls me, saying, "We need to go", and starts running wildly towards her hostel. So I follow. And we run to the terrace, and voila, a whole slew of shooting stars. Of course, HALF of Law School was there. But that didn;t really matter, because for that brief period of time, it felt like we all belonged. And then they all left. And it was me and Asma. And we just lay there on the terrace looking up at the sky, talking about things in general. And we saw the most amazing shooting stars. But that wasn't the best part. I cleared my head about a lot of things, had a real good heart- to- heart and witnessed exactly how beatiful the sky can be.

And it took a meteor shower to bring me to the terrace to realise and appreciate the beauty of something I see every night. It was surreal, and the best part is, after such a crappy day, this was exactly the kind of thing I needed to end the day.

Well, I really need to sleep. I have a project to write. Or two. I ideally shouldn't have gone to the terrace. But I'm GLAD I did, because there are some things that can't be taught in textbooks, and some experiences that can be witnessed in the classroom. And I just had another lesson in life.

Goodnight (goodmorning actually),
Much love.

My bucket list.

There's the movie bucket list right... well I was sitting with my Eco book in front of me, and I thought, if I died tommorrow, I'd have soo many regrets. So, I decided I'll compile my very own bucket list (a la Morgan Freeman in 'The Bucket List').
Now you can't expect me to come up with an entire list in one sitting (also considering I have a VIVA tommorrow, and a bloody tough one at that). So I will keep adding. And I'm open to suggestions too :)

1. Run away from college, pick up a bus, and then go somewhere totally unplanned. No itinerary, no travel guide, no maps, no hotels previously booked, nothing. Just the spontaneity that comes when you have absolutely NO idea where in the world you are.
2. Sit inside the cockpit of a plane, and watch the pilot do his thing! (Its a childhood thing).
   
3. Walk along the Great Wall of China.
4. Go back to Galway, and walk on that bridge in the park (the way I did when I was five).
5. Direct my own movie (a short documentary would do as well).
6. Eat at a Dhaba, a proper roadside Dhaba in some village in Punjab.
7. Dance in the middle of the road to a bollywood number from the 90s (filmy style).
8. Kiss in the Rain.
   
9. Kiss in the rain, under an Umbrella (can you hear Pyaar hua Ikraar hua in the background?)
10. Hold a Rally.
11. Be part of one of those street marches for a cause (The LGBT parade would be pretty awesome).
12. Run a marathon.
13. Score a goal, like a really good goal, in soccer.
14. Learn the Jive (or something equally cool).
15. Paint my room.
16. Learn how to play poker.
    
17. Spend a full night just wandering around town aimlessly.
18. Go to Bombay, with a pukka Bombayite, and experience the city. :)
19. Get a star named after me (and no this is not plagiarised from A Walk to Remember, I've wanted one ever since a friend of mine got one named after her in 9th Grade).
20. Stand up on the table in a bar/restaurant and dance (this wll of course be when I'm completely sober).

Okay 20 done... more to come... next time I'm tired of studying Eco!